Even though it’s only been a mere three months since I began my journey into medical school, I feel like I’ve changed so much.

If you asked me to pinpoint why or how, to be honest, I really don’t know. I don’t know how I’ve changed, but I feel like I’ve changed so much. I know this sounds quite vague and like I didn’t say anything at all, but really, it’s the truth.

The other day I was shadowing a doctor, and I had the opportunity to talk to a patient with a mental health issue. It was heavy. I thought it would be easy– I mean, I myself have struggled with mental health issues in the past– but no, it wasn’t at all. My experiences were nothing compared to theirs. We talked for about half an hour. It was amazing. They spoke to me about their life, their experiences, their struggles, and how far they’ve come today. I’m incredibly happy for them, and I hope that they will be able to continue this journey onwards, but coming out of that experience I felt this sudden weight on my shoulders. I know I shouldn’t be carrying this with me, but I don’t know how to get it off, other than keep telling myself to get it off my mind, or just with time, or just doing some other things to get my mind off of it. I don’t think I will ever forget this patient.

I also moved into a new place. I had a lot of conflict with the management, and I felt that none of it was deserved on my end. It was moreso due to a lack of communication on their end. But suddenly, they apologized to me. It was odd, strange, but also made me kind of happy, knowing that I can be respected as an adult. Growing up, I don’t think apologies were ever given to me. Like, real apologies. Not the, oh sorry I bumped into you. Real apologies. Well, I guess we can include when my boyfriend apologizes after I get upset, or that one time my friends in high school apologized for how things turned out with a guy I was dating back then (essentially I pulled a stupid move and ditched my friends for him, but to be honest, both sides were at war and I had to pick a side when both sides were wrong). In any case, it was odd, but a good kind of odd.

And so ends unit one: resp, cardio, and heme. I feel like I still don’t know everything I need to know about these topics. But then again, that’s okay. It’s perfectly okay. This knowledge base will keep on expanding. I just have to make a mental note to come back to the old while learning the new. A difficult but not impossible task.