2013 was a big year for me: I finally attained a goal that I had been striving to reach for a very long time, that I had dreamed of ever since I was a little girl. Finally, after having dreams, being hit with reality, and then taking a leap of faith, it had happened. Somewhere in there I found self-confidence in the midst of chaos, and found within me a sense of calm I hadn’t felt in a very long time. In the midst of all this stress and responsibility, I have somehow found happiness, and I hope that will carry me through.
2013 was a year of admitting. Admitting my true feelings, admitting my faults, admitting my limitations, admitting my fears. I know that I will come across many patients who will exemplify something I have battled with myself or someone close to me has battled with. I’m going to have strong feelings, and that’s okay. I’m going to feel helpless, and that’s okay. I’m going to feel scared of my past haunting me, and that’s okay.
2013 was a year of thankfulness. I’m so thankful to have so many people around me who care for me. I have learned from my past mistakes to not shelter or wall myself away. I have learned to not take the kindness of others for granted.
2013 was a year of forgiveness. I have forgiven all those around me who have hurt me in the past. But more importantly, I have decided to finally, and truly, forgive myself. Because sometimes it’s not all your fault. You can’t take responsibility for someone else’s actions. I’ve forgiven myself for my own actions, because you can’t always be perfect. Things are going to affect you in your daily life. The important part is being able to recognize your faults, and improving.
2014 is going to be a year of surprises. Being surprised at what I know (and more importantly, don’t know), and being surprised at what the world has to offer.
2014 is going to be a year of change. I’m going to continue the lessons learned in the past, and be a better person. I’m going to remember that confident and happy girl who walked into that interview that day. I’m not going to be scared anymore, because I know I have friends, family and a wonderful boyfriend who are going to be there for me. I’m not going to dip back into the past. I’m not going back to the dark that had once existed in my life.
2014 will be a year of insanity. Near the end of the year, I will be on clerkship, and that is going to be one hell of a stepping stone. In the meantime, I’m going to make the best of my medical school days before they are gone.